||[27 Oct 2005|01:30am]
I call it fate.
I've always been a firm believer of it. There wsa never any proof of it to me. Kinda like faith. Like in religon, y'know? No scientific proof that God is there...but faith lets us believe that he is.
So I believed in fate through preconcieved notions.
That was until the 20 hours that took place from 10:00am October 15, to 4:00am October 16, 2005.
Fate. 1:30pm. On the way up to Clearfield, Penn to see the oh so wonderful band Kill Ketura, my best friend Colleen and I have a chat about becoming more religious. Colleen a better Christain. Myself a better Muslim.
[doesn't make sense now, but will later]
Fate. 8:30pm. Kill Ketura finishes their set and we leave.
Fate. 10:30pm. We realize that we're lost. Went too east. Two hours worth of east was traveled that we weren't supposed to go through with. We stop at a gas station and buy an Atlas. I find an alternate route home.
Fate. 12:00am. We stop to get gas and food.
Fate. 1:00am. Both of our cell phones ironically run out of battery at the same time. Mom isn't calling. Jason, my boyfriend, who was keeping me awake through texts can no longer reach me. Defeated, I pull back my chair, turn to my side and fall asleep.
Fate. Around 2:30am. I, who was laying on my side, turn back around to face the front and pull my feet out from where the foot heater things are. I see Colleen swerve a little and decide not to call her out on it. She's tired. I'm tired. I look ahead and see a car parked in the middle of the interstate about 100 feet away.
I figured Colleen still thought I was sleeping so I decided not to say anything about the car... I thought she had seen it already.
100 feet. 80 feet. 60...40...20...10...
"Colleen! WATCH OUT!
And it was too late>
Swerve. A huge blast of metal hitting metal. Metal crumbling from an 80mph collison. Glass shattering. Airbags deploying.
But that wasn't the end.
The car swerved across all three lanes into the ditch on the side.
1 flip. 1 1/2 flip. 1/2 flip back the other way.
I seriously thought I was going to die.
The whole front gone. All of it.
I immediately though about my glasses... I looked towards the back, searching for them... the dust from the field was actually inside the car... the light in the car showed thick clouds of it.
...how in the hell?
"GET OUT OF THE CAR, GET OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR!!!"
My best friend had never yelled at my before. Ever.
My side door wouldn't open.
I crawled out of her side, holding my nose which was pouring blood like a faucet.
Second yell. She was in such shock that for a second she stood there, attempting to catch my blood.
We checked the other car.
Found no one.
Cars... at least 6 of them stopped. 911 called.
A guy yelled at me to stop walking on the broken glass with my bare feet and to go lay down on the hill.
I obeyed. His friend, a girl in a yellow hoodie... she sat with me telling me everything was going to be alright. She patted my shoulder. Kept reassuring me. Told me to stop crying.
A guy in a black SUV stopped.
Paramedic off duty, I suppose.
He tried to help. Cleaned my nose a little.
Firetruck. Paramedics. Ambulances. Police cars.
In a matter of 5 minutes, I70 East closed down.
Somebody held my neck. They took Colleen away from me on a stretcher. They pulled me onto a stretcher.
A fireman tripped and rolled down a hill and I laughed at him.
They said that my laughing was a good sign.
Bright lights. Into the ambulance. They cut my Norma Jean track jacket off of me. Godspeed, Norma Jean. AFI shirt torn off.
Then they took me out. Had me put on oxygen because I stopped breathing.
I was loaded onto a helicopter.
I'm deathly afraid of helicopters.
Just the pilot and I. He tried to talk to me. Tried to console me.
And then the hospital. It was like a movie. You never think that something like this would happen to you.
And elderly lady pushed me towards a big, bright room.
"There'll be lots of lights an a lot of people around you. We're all here to fix you."
And I swear I never felt so broken in my life.
There were people all around.
No shame that by this time, I was stripped down.
IV. Tetnis shot. Drawn blood. X-rays.
Amber, my nurse, she cleaned me up. Her fav band... AFI. She had a monroe just like mine.
Somebody told me I was an hour and a half away from home.
I asked for Colleen. They said they hadn't brought anyone else in yet.
"On a scale from 1-10, tell me how much pain you feel. 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt."
I told her 8.
I started crying again. They gave me vicoden.
No excuses this time, I wasn't in Richmond like I had told my mom I was. I was in Hagerstown, Maryland.
Nearly 250 miles north of where I should have been.
They said I could go see Colleen.
Broken pinky, nose, bruises and all... I jumped out of bed to see her.
I cried when I saw her.
I called my dad.
"We're five minutes away."
He sounded like a zombie.
Fate. 4:30am. Both, Colleen [who suffered minor back injuries and a crazy burn to her left wrist] and I walked out of Hagerstown hospital.
Fate. The most REPEATED line of the night...
"You girls are very, very lucky."
So here I am today. Saturday afternoon. My finger's taped. My nose broken. I'm still managing to find more and more bruises everyday even though I swear I'm completely covered already. I can't manage to stay away for more than 4 hours at a time because of the medication I'm on. I haven't gone to work all week. No gym. Nothing.
But you know what? That's such a small price to pay for the second chance that I got.
We coulda not gotten lost. We coulda not stopped for gas or for food. I could have NOT found that alternate route. I could have NOT woken up and NOT turned back over from my side. That guy COULD have not parked his friend's car there.
But all this happened. Fate.
I don't know why I was so lucky. I don't know what I did to derserve a second chance. I don't know.
But I do know this.
I was given a second chance.
And I'm very, very, very grateful for that.
Oh. And wear your seatlbelt. I did.
| Fuck Up The Things You Love